Wednesday, July 21, 2010

2 Samuel 8-12

The Facts (Chapter number: Verse)

2 Samuel 8 - No mention of any women.

2 Samuel 9 - No mention of any women.

2 Samuel 10 - No mention of any women.

11:2-5 - David awoke one morning and was walking around the roof of the king's house when he saw a beautiful woman bathing. David sent someone to learn about her and they reported that her name was Bathsheba daughter of Eliam, wife of Uriah the Hittite. David sent for her and when she came to him he lay with her. ( Bathsheba had been purifying herself after her period.) When she returned to her house she had conceived and told David that she was pregnant.
11:21 - David mentions Abimelech dying when a women threw a stone on him from a wall.
11:26-27 - (After David had Uriah sent to the front lines of battle to die) When the wife of Uriah heard that he was dead, she lamented for him. When the mourning was over David sent for her and she became his wife and bore him a son.

12:3 - Nathan goes to David and tells him a story about a man who loved his only ewe as if it were a daughter.
12:8-11 - Nathan tells David that God is angry with him. God had given David his master's house and his master's wives, and the house of Israel and of Judah, and God would have given him more if that proved to be too little. So why has David done this? David struck down Uriah and taken Uriah's wife as his own and killed Uriah with the sword of the Ammonites. So the sword of the Ammonities shall never depart from David's house, for David has despised God and taken the wife of Uriah to be his own. So God will raise up trouble for David from then on, and will take David's wives and give them to his neighbors who shall lie with the wives in the sight of the sun.
12:15 - The Lord stuck the child of Uriah's wife and it became very ill.
12:24-25 - David consoled his wife Bathsheba after the death of her son and he lay with her, and she bore him another son. David named him Solomon. The Lord loved Solomon and sent a message to Nathan. So David named him Jedidiah because of the Lord.

My Comments

I don't think I can feel sorry enough for the wives of David. Now we have David actively killing off husbands so he can take their wives. How many wives does the bastard need, I mean seriously? He's gotta be in the double digits by now. It's ridiculous. And at least God calls him out on his assholery, even if God fights assholery with more assholery. It seems that David's punishment for killing a man for his wife is that God kills Bathseba's first born and then threatens (I'm not sure if the threat is actually carried out) to give all of David's wives away to other men who will have sex with them out in public so David can see them. So basically the people ACTUALLY being punished here for David's dumbass-ness is a newborn infant (who is killed, so why do people think God is pro-choice AT ALL?) and all of David's wives. David is only being punished because his property is being ruined. That's it. So really, both David and God come out looking horrible in the end. Yeah, give God a tiny pat on the back for being decent enough to understand that killing Uriah to take Bathsheba is a punishable offense and then give God a big slap in the face for punishing David by killing/tormenting tiny babies and women. It's ridiculously stupid.

And why wasn't God angry when David took Michal away from her husband? It's pretty much the same thing as what David did to Uriah and Bathsheba, except David didn't kill Michal's husband (just left him to cry and mourn the loss of a beloved wife). Is it because Michal was technically supposed to be David's before she was given to her husband? Which is ridiculous because David is the one that left and forgot about Michal. Saul didn't seem to give Michal away out of spite for David but simply because David didn't seem like he was coming back to marry her. And we all know that an unmarried woman is just a horrible tragedy. So what gives? Why is God just waking up to this shit? Either he didn't notice David taking Michal or he really just didn't care. Maybe he let that one slide because David was his favorite.

For a superior moral being God is pretty inconstant with punishment. But I guess it makes sense that God would pick a tool to be his favorite and judge in the land of Israel. God probably saw a lot of his own douchebaggery in David and figured he'd be a real stand up guy.


Tomorrow: 2 Samuel 13-15

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