Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Exodus 11-15

The Facts (Chapter number: Verse)

Leviticus 11 - No mention of any women.

Leviticus 12 Summary - If a woman has a male child she shall be ceremonial unclean for seven days after the birth. Her time of blood purification will be thirty three days during which she shall not touch any holy thing or go into the sanctuary. If she has a female child she will be unclean two weeks, as in her menstruation, and her blood purification shall last sixty six days.

When her purification is complete she will bring the priest at the tent of meeting a lamb in it's first year for a burnt offering, and a pigeon or turtledove for a sin offering, whether her child was a boy or a girl. The priest will offer it to the Lord and make atonement on her behalf and then she shall be clean from her flow of blood. If she cannot bring a lamb then she shall bring two pigeons and two turtledoves. She must do this whether the child is male or female.

13:29 - When a man or a woman had a disease on the head or in the beard a priest must examine it.
13:38 - When a man or a woman has white spots on their body a priest must examine it.

15:19-30 - When a woman has her normal bodily discharge she will be unclean for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening. Whatever she touches shall be unclean. Whoever touches her bed or where she sits shall be unclean and must wash their clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until the evening. If a man lies with her during this time he shall be unclean for seven days and every bed upon which he lies shall be unclean.If a woman discharges blood not during her normal time or if her normal time lasts for longer than seven days then she shall be unclean all the days of her discharge. Once she is cleansed of her discharge she shall count seven days and after that she is clean. On the eight day she must bring two turtle doves and two pigeons to the priest at the tent of meeting as a sin offering and a burnt offering. The priest will make atonement to the Lord for her unclean discharge.
15:32-33 - This is the ritual for those who have a discharge, for a man who has a discharge of semen and a woman who is in the infirmary of her period, for any male or female who has a discharge, and for the man who lies with a woman who is unclean.

My Comments

Seriously, what insect has 4 legs? Last I checked the very definition of insect required a six leg minimum. Even locusts and crickets have six legs. So what is God talking about in Leviticus 11?

Again, female children suck and are more unclean than male children. We get it, Bible, thanks.

And apparently the women must atone for the GRAVE sin of having a child. Pretty much God's sole purpose for women in the Bible is to have children, and then we find out that having children is actually detestable to God and he requires sacrifices to forgive her horrible actions. You know, the action of BLEEDING or something. Seriously, if it offends God so much why did he design women so they bleed once a month and during childbirth? He could have easily had them NOT bleed at all, which honestly would make life much easier for us women folk. So, yeah, thanks God for deciding what you created is totally unclean and detestable.

I find it weird that Leviticus 13 mentions general persons when discussing what one must do when they have a rash or whatnot, and only in those two passages says men and women. Why do some one way and some the other? And side note: You know what have been really useful information during the whole leprous diseases and rashes section, God? Maybe some information on actual medicine and cures for the disease, not ritual and sacrifices. Probably would have been a lot better for your people to have that knowledge or, if nothing else, at least a rudimentary understanding of how the disease works. Again, either God doesn't understand his own creation or he is a jackass, why is this always the case so far? And then God mentions offhand that really he's the one giving people these diseases. He says (14:34) "When you come into the land of Canaan, which I give you for possession, and I put a leprous disease in a house in the land of your possession..." Seriously, what a jackass. He puts this disease on people for seemingly no reason and then gives them bullshit rituals for "cures." So I guess this means he does understand the disease and so that leaves us with God being a jackass as our only option here.

And before anyone says this is a punishment for sin, or something, it doesn't seem to be. No where in the passage does it mention that God gives this house leprosy because of something they did or a sin. Plus, only an asshole punishes someone without telling them what they've done. If you're trying to teach a person something you don't punish them randomly and give them no indication of what exactly they did to displease you. Even first time parents understand this concept. So again, either God doesn't understand how to teach his own creation not to piss him off OR he's an asshole. Again, I'm siding with the later here.

And in Leviticus 15 I pretty much feel bad for both women and for boys going through puberty. Wet dreams must be hell, I bet they were CONSTANTLY making offerings of atonement. Puberty is already a mess without having to sacrifice something every other night because you can't stop thinking about your sister in your dreams. And of course "WOMEN UNCLEAN AND BAD! DO NOT TOUCH!" So sayeth the Bible. No surprise there.

Tomorrow: Leviticus 16-21

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